I’ve wanted to be a mom since I can remember, as a kid I would wake up early on Saturday mornings so I could watch A Baby Story on TLC. I would “nurse” and nurture my baby dolls, and stuff the belly of my shirts with pillows to pretend I was pregnant, I even did that wierd way to stand that pregnant women do where you get up belly first with a hand on your back. When I became a mom it was a dream come true, especially after losing our first baby – 2 weeks after Russell deployed in 2013. So when little Shade was born July 2014, my whole universe changed, and I left who I was in that hospital. I was the obsessed and protective new mom, and I wanted my baby all for myself. (Which I’d like to think every mom thinks that).
Time passed, my husband went back to work, Shade and I got into a “routine”, if you can call it that. But it took me forever to get back into a groove with myself.. Who was I now? It was this whole new stage of life. Could I like the same things, or shop at the same stores, (I remember I even closed my Victoria Secret account because I didn’t think I could wear their clothes anymore), I thought I had to be all mom all the time. How do you go from just depending on yourself to having a baby depend on you for everything? I lost my sense of who I was, completely, and I had no idea because I LOVE motherhood. But being a mother can’t be all we are. I think in this time I actually forgot I was also something to other people, a daughter, sister, wife, friend – because mom seemed to be the only important one. After chatting with an old friend from high school, I realized I’m probably not the only one who this happens too.
It can be so hard to get back into ‘yourself’ after kids, you have to take care of you, your marriage, your house, everything we are depended on for, on top of these little humans now needing us, which can be exhausting! But you can’t pour from an empty cup, so how do I do it? I make time. And I also have an amazing life partner (which helps too).
If you saw my instagram stories last night you saw – Russell and I broke our bed. (haha). A bunch of people messaged me like “how did that happen, what were you doing?!” Well, we have three kids, you do the math, and “how do you have time for that?” again, it’s about making time. To those that messaged me “good for you”, thanks for getting it. If Russell and I didn’t take time for us, or ourselves we would fall apart. Even if I dont have time in my day for specific things, I make it, I wake up early or stay up late and get things done. I have facetime dates with my mom, sister, and far away friends to keep those relationships strong. It took me 3 kids to find balance and figure out who I was again.. and if you haven’t found yours yet, you will. Start small, get on a schedule, find something that makes you feel good down to your core, or get with your significant other, break your bed too, and laugh about it forever.
I’m not saying being a mom can’t be your whole world, because it’s still mine, but just remember you have to nuture all the other parts of you too.